Ugghhhh.....

Why is it that our families can drive us toward the brink of insanity, but if they give us even a small glimmer of hope we seize on it? It's like the golfer who only needs one good shot to keep him coming back next week. Or maybe it's more like the beaten wife who sees past her husband's violent nature when he ap0logizes and gives her a big hug.

I went to my mom and step-dad's house today for a birthday/wedding anniversary cookout. My mom's birthday, my brother's wedding anniversary. Both were actually on the same day last week (that my brother's wedding occurred on my mother's birthday itself speaks volumes about the underlying situation), so this weekend was an opportunity for everyone to get together and celebrate, or for my mother to introduce me to her new family.

I assumed the purpose of the event was for our family to get together and celebrate these events. I was wrong. It wasn't just "family," as the world (minus my mother) would use that term. Instead, it was my family plus five random people (who I was to learn was my mother's "extended family") with whom my mother, stepfather, brother, sister-in-law, and nephews go to church (see it coming together? They also live in the same town, no more than about four blocks from each other).

At this afternoon's suare, my mother actually referred to these random people as her "extended family," even though she chose not to invite my grandparents (her parents), or any of her three brothers, all of whom live less than ten minutes away, to this event (which I learned after asking where the rest of the family (as the world would use that term) was.)

But I digress. So there were five random college students (none of whom I had ever met) celebrating with us: talking about family events, playing with my nephews, passing the dip, serving up ice cream and cake. I had expected my brother and sister-in-law to go along with this bizarre situation, being that they ordinarily live to serve my mother, but surprisingly (and this is the one good golf shot, or the big post-beating hug) they didn't!! It made me think, for the first time in a long, long time, that not all of my family (again, using the dictionary definition) were butterfly-net whack-a-doos.

I am choosing to seize on that moment of clarity: the instant after my mom referred to one of the randoms as her "daughter" and I looked over to my sister-in-law, mouthed "daughter?" to her, and saw the understanding eyebrow raise that said "Don't ask me, I'm just here for the baked beans and Suddenly Salad".

It makes me glad I live a comfortable 25 minutes away. It may not seem like a long distance to some of you, but for me it is just far enough that I don't start referring to my front lawn privet hedge as my nieces and nephews.



Is this a thinly veiled attempt at inciting jealousy on my part, since my wife and I have intentionally separated ourselves from the rest of my family for the sake of preserving our own sanity.